The Day I Graduated

When I look back, I think the Universe was telling me that things were going to go a little differently than I’d planned.

My plan was to become an IT Help Desk person with a big company where I could come running to help anybody in need. Crawl under desks, bring a new monitor, remove the virus, update software overnight. Be part of a team of really smart people where I could learn and learn and learn and fix and help and keep on learning. All while bringing my giant, happy personality to the problem to entertain while fixing their computer problems.

I’d been drawn to that type of job after working for a company that had a department like that. With the coolest, funniest, most helpful collection of people. What sealed the deal was when I realized that my current job, that I mostly loved, wasn’t something that was financially feasible for a satisfying existence. I also imagined myself working, happily, until I was older, around 75, give or take five or so years, and knew that couldn’t be done working where I was working. I worked for a great company, a spa, but had realistically understood that I couldn’t do that work, mostly standing, forever. And the pay was a little less than what I’d optimally want long term. It was a fun job where massages and facials were my vacations and I could volunteer for brazilians when an esthetician was interviewing. Yes, my business was on display at times with an audience. Lots of perks at a job like that but I needed a bigger income. So I went back to school full time while working full time.

On the day I graduated, I overslept. That was actually kind of normal but I had hair plans because I knew there’d be pics. But I turned off my alarm and ended up just scrunching my hair, throwing on a little makeup and running out the door.

When I got to work, which was my new job, help desk but over the phone, I zipped into an open spot that was usually occupied but this day it was the only open, close spot. I took it and ran in, leaving my cap and wrinkled gown hanging in the car hoping the wrinkles might fall out. They didn’t. I made it into work with the plan of heading out around noon for the graduation ceremony. I brought my flat iron in to work because I’d thought I might have enough time to play with my hair and makeup before I left. But I squandered that extra time on a call because I can’t stop talking. I ended up practically running out the door, late again.

When I opened my car door MY CAR WAS FULL OF ANTS.

Let me explain my insect tolerance level. Have you ever seen the person who dances around and has funny screams that are sound effects for their feelings? Rising and falling, getting louder as the threat becomes greater? Imagine the most hilarious, pitiful rendition of that insanity you’ve ever seen, and that’s me.

So I’m looking in my car at hundreds of ants. Maybe not hundreds but more than fifty! Maybe hundreds? You can’t count them, they’re moving. Quickly. One blurs into another.

I don’t have enough time to call for a ride. I’m not the kind of person to ask for help so going back into work never crossed my mind. Hindsight, I’m sure someone would have helped me out.

I looked around the parking lot and I decided they didn’t look like they would bite and I’d worked too damn hard to miss out. I brushed off with my hand what I could brush off and drove. I tried not to think about it. Miraculously, only a few got on me that I saw. I brushed them off.

I kept thinking I might have gotten most of them when I noticed they were all over the dashboard! On the steering wheel! I’m on the road by now, getting on the highway. Where are they coming from? They keep crawling and I keep driving. Absolutely determined to not miss out on something I’d worked so hard for. It did occur to me that ants were probably in the gown that was hanging by the passenger seat.

I made it to the parking lot of the graduation venue and exploded out of the car! Dusting and wiping and checking for ants. Surprisingly not dancing or screaming. Had I become less afraid of insects in that nightmare car ride? Or had I become stronger?

I graduated that day, with crazy hair and a realization that I was much stronger than I ever imagined.

I keep discovering new depths of strength. I could definitely stand some time when I’m not required to be so strong but I’m open to whatever is coming because I’m strong.